she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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