one two three fourrrrnication!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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