you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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