I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
