Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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