Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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