You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
