wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
