there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
