I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
