Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
