Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
