She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
