Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
