I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
