My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think i have two assholes
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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