The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
