Screwed.edu
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
