and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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