i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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