I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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