did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
