If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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