White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she pinky promised me she was 18
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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