Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
