After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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