Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she told me i tasted like america
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
