I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
