Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
