i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
