I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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