Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
