Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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