the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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