Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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