told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
