I can tuck mytits in my pants
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My dick has a subreddit
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
