If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
