Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
