oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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