before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
