im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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