so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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