I puked a lego.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
