hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
