Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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