If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
