The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
