Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
