I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
