I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
