At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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